Author: Suzy Smith

Work

I just posted this to Facebook, ”

I’m working on myself, mentally, physically, personally.

A large part of this is just hard work and it sucks. I’m doubting myself in ways I never have before.

However, I will come through all of this self-reflection a better person. Or if not better, the person I should be.”

I mean this. Physically I am working on eating better, working out again (yes, even from a chair, I used to exercise a lot,) and losing weight. My eventual goal there is weight loss surgery to get to a smaller plus size. When I tried this a few years ago I was not ready mentally to move forward with the surgery.

I feel like I am finally there. My eating has been good, I’ve been exercising, taking my medications, etc. Even as mentally I was falling apart, physically I have been trying.

Over the weekend, as I was in Ohio with my nerd family, I ate and drank with abandon, but I’m back on track now. Tracking, eating in my calorie counts and moving back toward my goals. I’m down about 45 pounds since the start of this journey. I have several pairs of pants that have already been moved to the nope pile.

Mainly because they fall down when I’m moving. I use crutches when I’m walking, I can not hold up my pants and walk.

Mentally, well, it has been a hard year. We lost my father-in-law in April to lung cancer, even prior to his death I was heading down a bad spiral.

I have suffered from depression my entire adult life. There are times when it goes into remission and I get on with life. Other times I depend on medication. The last time medication passed my lips for it was a couple years ago.

While I know it is there if I need it, medication destroys my ability to write.

That’s a problem as that is half of what I do for a living.

I have been doing all sorts of mental exercises, physical exercises, writing exercises to work on myself.

Recently, I was on a precipice of bad. My emotions were all over the place, the blackness was taking back over, it was not good.

Today, I am better. Today, I am good.

Last weekend helped. I got to spend a weekend away from my stressors, my job, my family, his family, just life here. I got to forget a lot and drink and hang out and just be my nerdy weird self.

All of this in an environment where I am accepted for who I am, enfolded in nerdy love, and just happy.

(This is all thanks to a dear friend of mine, R, who gave me the money to go to Ohio. We had canceled our plans, he saw I was drowning, he came to the rescue. Thank you, my dear sweet friend.)

Multiple days of just being Suzy. Not reporter, not Mrs. Smith, not Ruthi’s daughter, or Jean’s daughter-in-law, not his one’s aunt, or that ones, aunt.

I was just myself.

It was glorious.

I came back and I’ve been working harder on myself, mentally. Working the steps of getting my emotions and mind back to where I want them to be.

There is no getting around doing this, there is no way to do this halfway.

It sucks. It is hard. It has made me cry, but it will bring me out the other side the person I want to be. Or more accurately, the person I am, that I do not allow let myself be.

It’s going to be a bumpy ride. You might want to put your table up and buckle your seatbelts.

Colonial Beach BikeFest (part four)

An older white man in a straw cowboy hat, sitting in a wheelchair, waves.
A vet cheers on the Artimus Pyle Band
a white woman with hair in a large wild bun sings into a microphone while playing guitar.
Hannah Wicklund and the Steppin’ Stones rocked the Sunday afternoon stage

Colonial Beach BikeFest is a four day event around Columbus Day weekend.

 

3 whire man stand on stage.
From left to right, Bryan Coffman, Steve “Smurf” Keene and Jay Haiden on stage at the Fourth Annual Colonial Beach BikeFest

 

 

a white man with hair flying in the wind plays guitar.
Pat Travers plays on the Sunday Colonial Beach BikeFest stage

4th Annual Colonial Beach BikeFest (part three)

Saturday of BikeFest was even more beautiful than Friday with a large crowd in town. Bands took the stage for hours with “Last Remains” opening for the “Artimus Pyle Band.”

A white man with full beard and long greying hair in a cowboy hat and sunglasses plays the drums.
Artimus Pyle, of Lynyrd Skynyrd fame, plays the drums

 

a white man in sunglasses with short salt and pepper hair plays the keyboard
Keyboard player for the “Artimus Pyle Band”

 

A white man, bald, but with a grey beard plays the bass in a bright orange shirt
Bass Play for APB

 

A white man with dark hair plays the guitar
Guitar for APB

 

A white man with greying hair plays the guitar
APB Guitarist and singer

 

A white man with long hair, a beard and cowboy hat gives the peace sign.
Artimus Pyle throws up a peace sign
A white man with grey hair and black hat sings into a microphone
“Last Remains”
A white man with a black goatee and grey hair holds a guitar and sings into a microphone
“Last Remains”

4th Annual Colonial Beach BikeFest (part two)

Friday dawned beautifully with no rain in sight. The event has dealt with massive rain in the past so this was a beautiful site for the Chamber of Commerce and On the Beach Productions, LLC. Just before noon the Veterans’ Appreciation ride came in from the National Museum of the Marine Corps in Quantico, VA.

A number of motorcycles ride on the street.
Veterans on motorcycles participated in a ride from Quantico to Colonial Beach
A white man sits on an orange motorcycle in front of a diner car
A motorcyle in front of Hunan Diner.
a white woman in a purple tanktop sits at a sewing machine surrounded by patches.
The “Patch Queen” does a brisk business of sewing patches to leather gear
A white man in a red t-shirt and black leather vest, or cut, with  his MC's patch faces away from the camera.
A biker from Moore County, NC in his cut watches the crowd

 

 

A white man wearing a cowboy hat and holding a guitar points at the camera
Guitarist from the “Road Ducks” points at the camera

 

A bald white man stands in front of a microphone.
Singer for the “RoadDucks”

 

A white man, very cleancut, wearing sunglasses adn a grey shirt holds a microphone.
CB Mayor Eddie Blunt addresses the crowd

 

A white man in khaki naval uniform and glasses holds a microphone
Naval Commander addresses the crowd