Monthly Archives: April 2006

Meh…

It’s hard to write when your life is an endless circle of the same damn thing, the same boring damn thing.

The clock is getting ready to hit 7AM, I’ve been up all night, again, and I’m in a bad mood, wishing this month would hurry up and get me to 31 years old. It’s not the age that’s depressing me. 31 really isn’t much different than 30, still far enough away from 40 that I don’t have to think about it.

It’s the day. The birthday. Even though, I’m supposed to be going out of town for it (My sister, Katie, is getting a room for me, at an International Dart Tournament for the weekend.) I’m still down. This birthday will be like the last few have been, lonely, pitiful, feeling sorry for myself.

What’s really sad is, I shouldn’t be. I’m old enough to accept that, finances being the way they are, birthday gifts aren’t happening, again. I’m trying to be mature and accepting of it but, I hate that my birthday is normally spend down and depressed, even when I try not to be.

Even worse, is normally Tracey (The Hussie as you see time to time in comments here) and I normally get together to celebrate. Her birthday is the 14th (Happy Birthday Old Ass) so, we have tried to have a joint thing. It isn’t happening this year, so I’m even sadder.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, by my birthday, I’ll have sucked it up and put on the happy smiley face for everyone. I’ll have a few drinks, be silly, and pretend that it doesn’t suck to have the same money issues facing us, year after year, yet inside I’ll still feel it.

31 and no closer to a the place I want to be, the life I wanted, the family, everything. Yet, the lack of a few packages to open makes it even worse. Materialistic? Yeah, I guess so. But, I also know that in the past year, I have literally bought 3 books, total, 1 CD, and that’s it for myself. No clothes, no jewelry, no new makeup or purses. No craft stuff, no sewing stuff.

Ah, well, what can you do? You suck it up and move on, still hoping that someday things will change or a magical money bag will drop from the sky.

And you whine for a bit in your journal, as really, sometimes I just need to whine. Tomorrow will be a better day,
Suzy

Last night…

I got to spend the evening back in my hometown with the niece and nephews. Somehow it worked out that they were all at my parents’ place so I got to love on them all.

As soon as I walked in the door, Charlie’s little face lit up and he held his little baby arms up to me. He’s growing up so fast, it’s astounding. Today, he’s 14 months old, he’s been walking for a long time, talking more and more everyday, and a complete monkey. He’ll climb anything that he can, couches, tables, bookcases, trees. Yes, trees, it seems he’s been trying to climb a tree in his front yard.

One that doesn’t actually have split branches, lower than five feet but, he thinks he can do it. I obviously nicknamed him Monkey Butt for all the right reasons.

Tre was laid out on the couch, napping, but woke up fairly shortly, he crawled into my lap and told me all about his day, his life, his still going obsession with Big and Rich. He tried to convince me to listen to them with him but, my CDs were all here. Instead we wandered outside where he jumped on the trampoline for a few minutes. Then back inside, where I got to hold the new baby.

Colson turned 10 days old yesterday, and he’s just as sweet and snuggly. He snuggled into me, his eyes, wide open, taking it all in. He’s really alert for being so little. His little head kept popping up as he looked around at the various noises. Poor little guy was born into a loud enthusiastic family but, he seems to be taking it all in stride.

Kyrsie showed up later, right as we were getting ready to leave and head to her house, so we all piled out, leaving my parents in peace in quiet. They’ve now had an empty nest for about a month for the first time in almost 31 years. They’re adjusting to it but, Daddy sounds awfully sad when he talks about how quiet the house is.

I miss living close to all of them. It’s hard to be living a whole hour away. If I had my way, I’d build a family compound, where we all had our own houses but, lived on the same land, where the kids could go from one house to the other, without leaving the fenced in area.

If the money fairy, or the lottery, ever drops into my lap, I’ll have one of those. And my dome home, painted like a lady bug but, I’ll have to share all that another day.

Oh, as for Sasha’s question: He’s right here, I’m just trying to be more independent than I used to be. I’ve become entirely to dependent on everyone else over the years, and it’s time I become my own person. The whole reason behind this is a long drawn out thing but, honestly, I’m working things out mentally.

Hope you have a great day and weekend, as I don’t know if I’ll have access over the weekend.

You got questions, I have answers….

Okay, the main question: Move? What? Where?

I moved in January to an even more rural area, out in the middle of nowhere, Heathsville. It’s a village, it’s tiny, it is far away from everything. But, I’m here for now.

What am I doing?

Same thing, at home, writing, watching too much reality television, playing Kingdom of Loathing, reading a lot, getting geared up for summer and my birthday.

What color is your hair now?

This one made me giggle, it’s burgundy, with roots showing, right now, actually. And, in the roots, I see a few more greys, I will be dyeing it prior to going away for my birthday. (Hopewell, here I come, watch out, I’m not working the tournament.)

Expanding upon that a bit, on the 21st (woohoo, the day) I’m going to the Moose International Dart Tournament. Now, the vast majority of dart tournaments I go to, I’m working. Not this one, although my Dad is in charge of it. I will be drinking and celebrating my 31st birthday.

I will make an ass of myself, with that there is no doubt as my entire family will be there. And, as I said, I’m not working it.

Can you tell I’m excited?

Why haven’t I updated much this past year?

There has been a lot going on with various members of my family. Things that are not my story, so I didn’t feel I could write about them. Things are settling down now and I can focus elsewhere so I can write more freely, again. I almost started a password protected site to write about these other issues but, I wasn’t comfortable even doing that, as you all know how well passwords stay with those they are given to.

How’s your Mom?

Mom is doing fabulous. As y’all know she had a gastric bypass in December of 2004. She has lost a lot of weight, and is doing wonderfully with it. I am very pleased. I still worry about her, in fact a bit more, as she was diagnosed with hemachromitosis, this past year.

But, she is much thinner now, and much happier, which is what matters. She also quit smoking sometime before her surgery, and has not picked a cigarette back up. I’m very proud of her.

How’s your Dad?

Good, although, he quit smoking and picked it back up. I know I mentioned it last year, but he was diagnosed with macular degeneration in his left eye. He has very little sight left in it. He tends to keep things to himself so I’m not sure how he really feels about it. I just keep hoping, they’ll find a cure for it.

How are the kids?

Great, in a nutshell. They are all growing so fast, I need to get new pictures to put up here.

Tre’s my little spitfire, wild man, loves his music so much. He’s something else, and has to have a future in the music business.

Charlie’s a doll, a sweet, now 1 year old, who eats anything that gets in his path. He’s all over the place, and talking more than Tre or Kyrsie did at this age. In fact, his speech is way ahead of average, which for us is odd, since we’re used to kids who have speech delays.

Kyrsie is my girl. She’s 6.5 and in 1st grade, learning to deal with having to sit still and trying to. She’s got too much energy for the teacher’s and does much better one on one, than in a large setting. She’s growing up to be a beautiful girl.

Colson, is well, 10 days old today. And, I’m going to see him, I can not wait.

So, that’s the big ones, any other questions?