5 Years

Author: Suzy Smith  |  Category: Uncategorized

I wasn’t going to write today, in fact, I’m not really going to. Instead, here is what I wrote the evening of September 11, 2001.

Today started like an average Tuesday, I slept very little last night, was awoken by a cute little toddler, as her Dad brought her in for me to watch.

I got out of bed, lit my first cigarette of the day. Hit the toilet (with my audience of one), grabbed a drink, fixed Kyrstin breakfast.

I wandered into the living room, watched her eat, watched some old reruns.

Then the phone rang.

I picked it up, it was Stacy.

“Turn on the television.”

I told him it was on, he asked if I knew what had happened.

Then he told me.

The World Trade Center was hit by an airplane.

I flipped over to CNN, just in time to see the second plane hit the other tower.

I gasped and called to my Mom, she turned her tv on as well.

The horror that was unfolding before my eyes.

Then the Pentagon was on fire.

The World Trade Center collapsed. I could no longer contain my tears.

Kyrstin crawled into my lap, wiped my face, and hugged me. Such a sweet, innocent gesture from such a small little girl.

I woke Tony up, as I couldn’t stand to be without him any longer.

We sat side by side (with a toddler ocassionally snuggly in between us) as more and more unfolded on our television screen.

“This doesn’t happen in the U.S.”

And Tony gently told me “Babe, it just did.”

Then the tears began again. How? Why? Who?

Why such a senseless act of violence? Why such a cowardly murder of hundreds, thousands, or even tens of thousands of people?

How can this happen here?

Isn’t the US, supposed to be safe?

As the day wore on, I flipped between news stations, hearing of a fire at the Mall a couple of times, but no serious reports of it.

I followed the path of our President as he flew to several places, then back to the nation’s capitol. Even though I’m not a fan of GW Bush, I had the need to know our President was safe.

As soon as I could this afternoon, I got online. Trying to find out if everyone I knew was safe. So far it seems that everyone is.

At least physically. Mentally, right now, I don’t think anyone in the USA, nor most of the world is completely okay.

Not just from digesting what happened today, but what it holds for our future.

No matter what else happens. Our lives, our world is forever changed.

The only thing, I’m glad about today, is that Kyrstin is too young to know what was going on. I don’t know how I would have explained this to her.

How do you tell anyone for that matter, that someone, somewhere, decided that killing a large number of innocent people was their goal?

My heart aches, my soul grieves. I can’t articulate exactly how I am feeling, this terrorist attack, is too big for mere words.

As I end this entry, all I want to say is:

Go hug your loved ones, tell them you love them. Let them know every day how much you care for them. You never know when that last I love you, will be.

May we awake tomorrow, with no further attacks, and news that some of the people in the World Trade Center and The Pentagon, having been saved.

Tomorrow, I’ll have more to say but, I don’t want to infuse my politics into the anniversary of these attacks.