Archive for May, 2007

Today, I am lucky…

Monday, May 28th, 2007

Today, Memorial Day 2007, I am lucky. A good friend of mine is in Iraq, serving in the Marine Corps, in this war. He’s on his second tour of duty, and has been over there a couple months, this time.

We email back and forth, a couple times a week. Early in May, he emailed me, I returned the email, then nothing. For weeks, not a word out of Iraq, he hadn’t signed into anywhere that I could see.

I got worried. As each day turned over, and there was no email from him, the pit of fear got a wee bit bigger. The worry got to the point, that I searched for his name to see if he was one of the men we had lost, recently.

There were no hits on his name, yet, I was still worried, knowing that names aren’t always realized in timely fashion, barring family notifications, the pit remained.

I began opening my email with trepidation at the thought of nothing being in there, again. Then today, I’m going to delete a bunch of email from some discussion lists up on, and his name appeared beside a new email.

And, I was happy. I was joyful. My friend, who is still in danger, is still alive. We can’t say that for 3455 other members of our military who have lost their live in Iraq, nor the 247 men and women who have died in Afghanistan. Nor, the hundreds of thousands of others of our miltary personal who have been killed at war, over the history of the United States.

Today, I am lucky. Today, I remember our military personnel who gave their lives in service of our country. I respect our soldiers. I support the well-being of our troops, even while I believe this war in Iraq is wrong.

Today, Memorial Day 2007, I mourn those we have lost, and those we will lose. And, I hope for stronger, more intelligent, leadership in our future.

Long Time Gone

Sunday, May 27th, 2007

Life is odd.

I’ve been writing but, not online. Or mainly not online, I wrote about 3 things elsewhere, which someday, I may share but, for now, there’s no point in it.

But, I’ve been writing. My mind has embraced so many things that have gone on and changed and just fucked up my life view. Things are getting better. Instead of massive amounts of “meh, fuck the world.” It is just minor amounts of that, well, except when it comes to the Bush administration but, that’s an entry for another day.

Life is good in so many ways, right now. The niece and nephews are wonderful, my husband is astounding, my parents are doing better, my siblings are doing well.

And my brain is so much better it is astounding. Yes, that has been a lot of it. Depression. Great big depression. The black hole I’ve mentioned on and off for years, is better. Wellbutrin is a lifesaver. Seriously, without it, I do not know where I would be.

It’s good. Man, even when I’m pissed and grumpy, as the heat tends to do to me. Even with a broken heel, carpal tunnel in both arms (you should see the wrist braces) and all that? I’m happier. Even the lows aren’t as low.

The saddest part is I didn’t realize I was depressed. No, seriously. I started Wellbutrin to quit smoking in September of last year. Within a couple months, even with some of the worst things in my life happening, the world looked better.

And, I have not picked a cigarette back up. 8 months, 1 week, and I haven’t even touched a cigarette. In fact, I can not stand the smell of cigarette smoke anymore.

Let’s see, what else have been missing since I last posted. Hmm, I turned 32 in April, in West Virginia, at a strip club. More about that later.

We’re buying a new, little tiny car from my sister, a Saturn slc2, I think? She late Tony use it for work and now we’re gonna buy it. Cute little car, funny as hell to see us 2 big people get out of it.

So, if I have any readers left, what do you want to know? Any questions? And you can email me at suzysmith at to holler at me to write when I get pulled away.

Have a great day,
Suzy Smith