As I finished off yesterday I brought up weight loss. Now, I am a fat woman. Yes, fat, it’s not a dirty word. I have also been a fat activist working toward stopping prejudice and discrimination against fat people. I used to have a blog solely based on that but, didn’t have the time to keep it up.

Having said all that, in the past year I have lost 50 pounds. Yes, that is a large amount of weight but, I still have a long way to go. My ass is still huge, albeit a tiny bit smaller, and I am just as jiggly. Which means I am still fat.

Yet, part of me keeps feeling guilty about the weight loss. As if I am letting down other fat women by losing weight. It feels like I am turning my back on the fat acceptance movement. I’m not, as I will never be a thin woman, no matter how hard I work at it, I won’t be skinny.

I do have to say, that I do feel better having lost the weight, and other than when I’m sick, my blood sugar is much better now that I have lost weight.

And this isn’t all the weight I plan on losing. I am planning on having gastric bypass surgery in the spring.

Yes, me, the one who used to go off about it. And, yes, I do remember the risks, I know there are some big ones but, being as large a person as I am, with the health issues I have (PCOS, diabetes, high blood pressure, lipedema, degenerative disc disease, endometrial hyperplasia) I need to lose a large amount of weight to give me the best chance at a full lifespan.

This is my decision and it is one I have researched and thought about for a long, long time. If I thought I could lose it all alone, I would. Believe me I am not looking forward to more surgery. I have had enough in the past 2 years but, I am not getting any younger so I need to move forward.

I know I’ll continue to be a fat woman, even if it is a smaller fat woman, so I will still work toward fat acceptance, I just hope those in the fat acceptance community can continue to accept me.