The internet has been a blessing and a curse in this whole ordeal with kidney cancer. The blessings are the numerous friends I have praying for me, the information on treatment, finding the place for my MRIs, etc. The curses have mainly been watching other cancer patients die.
It happens, at least once a week I read about another one of the people in this web of cancer patients I know who have died. What makes this even sadder is that very often it is one of the young cancer patients, a 4 year old little boy, a 9-month-old baby girl, who have left us.
It is fucking hard to deal with. Words are not big enough to explain, to someone outside this circle, of what this is like. All of us are hoping and praying that we’ll be one of the lucky ones, one who is a long term survivor. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t want that. Even those who have the worst kind of the cancers with the lowest of survival rates still have secret hopes that they will be the one to beat the odds.
My tumor staging and grading has a fairly good 5-year prognosis. Yet, those statistics mean dick if you are one of those who die within those 5 years. So, we hold on, hoping, praying, holding our breathes between scans. And, when you get an answer that is inconclusive it hits you in the gut.
Like, right now, I am waiting for the next step, to know whether or not their is further cancer on my adrenal gland. Or if it is just scarring or swollen from additional blood flow to it. Tomorrow I see my urologist again, and we’ll move forward on to the next part of treatment. Hopefully, I’ll know more within a few weeks, or if I have to wait longer, I will have better psychiatric medications to deal with all of this. And, I am not joking about that. Mentally, I am a wreck and if I need to take more drugs to help me handle this, I will.
Off for now, I need to finish washing clothes and sleep, I have a PCP appt in the AM and the urologist in the PM, so I need to get off of here.
Well, they are not absolutely good or bad. My adrenal gland looks different, larger, with a spot on it. And, they don’t know what it is.
I go to see my main urologist on Thursday and hopefully I’ll actually know what is going on and we can move forward on more tests instead of waiting 3 months to look at it again.
And, I have cellulitis again in my abdomen. I am on major antibiotics again. It seems like my immune system has just stopped working. sigh, what can you do?
Hello my lovely readers, both long term, and new ones who found me through other sites. Today is a begging day. Yes, I am about to beg you all for money. BUT, the money is not for me, it is for St. Baldrick’s Foundation.
St. Baldrick’s is a recognized charity with 501 (c)3 recognition. It is a charity that raises money for cancer research. The research is all based towards children’s cancers but benefits all cancer patients as more and more is learned about this disease.
Ok, now my long term people know that I have shaved my head the past 2 years for this, and once again I will be going bald for the cause. On March 28th, 2009 at Colonial Beach Moose Lodge I will have all my pretty pretty pink hair shaved off, my head shined and I will have a smile on my face the whole time.
And, what I am asking here is for donations. Any amount will help and it is tax deductible. Please if you can afford to donate anything, do so. Anyone who donates will get access to pictures that no one else will (of the shaving). If I get to 1000 dollars in donations I will give away a 50 dollar Amazon gift certificate to one of my lucky donors, or a gift certificate to any store of your choice.
If I get to 2000 dollars I will write anything you wish, on my bald head, in black Sharpie marker. And walk around like that without a hat on. Anything from your url to your name to well, whatever you can come up with.
Any higher than that, and I’ll come up with something appropriately humiliating to me.
The link to donate is here.
Thank you so much for reading this.