Monthly Archives: February 2012

Argh

It has to be a short one this morning as I am tired as hell, have things to do and my head hurts. Now, not a standard headache, it seems I have cellulitis in my scalp and I am just waiting for my doctor’s office to open, in hopes of being able to just get some oral antibiotic, instead of having to be admitted.

Oh, yes, admitted. Every time I have had cellulitis, and it has been a bunch of times in my abdomen due to my body having retained part of my umbilical cord as an infant. It tends to just stick around in some people and cause problems at times. In the long run it is actually a good thing that the first bout of abdominal cellulitis happened as that saved my life.

I know that sounds odd, but, had the ER doctor not forced me to go to another hospital and have a CT scan done to make sure I didn’t have some sort of abscess, they would not have found the tumor in my kidney until it was much, much larger. As it was the tumor had probably been growing for a long time when it was found.

Also, I have to make my follow up appointment and get the CT scan set. I have been fighting my insurance company on this scan, but it is actually time for it now, instead of a bit early so, they shouldn’t fight that. This is a big one as at my last scan they found pulmonary nodules. If they’ve grown, the cancer has metastasized. I am so hoping beyond hope that this is not the case. Lung mets are deadly, I know this, and dammit, I’d like to be here for another 40 or so years.

Rearranging

Tonight has been rearranging night, I have moved a bunch of stuff around in the living room, putting candle holders where I actually want them, instead of where I dumped them to get them put up. My candle holders of choice are various black iron ones, I’m on the hunt for a set of black iron taper holders, next. I need those for my favorite shelf to look right.

Right now, I have a Circle E “Pineapple Sage” burning beside me, it smells much more like pineapple than anything else and actually reminds me of the pineapple upside down cake they used to make in elementary school.

Now, they weren’t the greatest little pieces of cake, but they were made with real pineapple and pineapple juice. We always had it with tacos for some reason. A reason that I still do not understand as really, pineapple and tacos do not go together. They just don’t.

I remember sitting at the lunch table, a plastic tray in front of me, one taco shell, a small cup of cheese, a small cup of meat, and piles of lettuce as well. A cut up orange and a carton of milk rounded it out, along with the cake, of course. Lunch sucked from the fourth grade on, for me, as my fourth grade teacher decided that tormenting me for being fat (I was not, I was just a few pounds overweight at the time) and being poor (I was, what could I do about that.)

This teacher is the reason I gave up on school for years. I hated it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the learning part, still do love to learn, the classes were good, access to so many books was fantastic, but, the teacher, well, she changed me.

One time I remember her calling me and another poor girl to the front of the class, right before lunch, to ask us how we could afford ice cream, but got free lunch. Now, if I am remembering correctly ice cream was 25 or 30 cents at the time. If we were lucky we got it once a week, and at this point my little brother was not in school, yet, so it was only three of us.

I tried to explain how my parents scraped together the small amount of change, you’re talking 75-90 cents for all three of us, once a week, just so we could have a treat. My parents worked so hard to take care of us, working menial jobs, for tiny wages, just to keep a roof over our heads, and electricity on in the house. When we moved to Virginia, for my Dad to find work, my Dad worked at a gas station for minimum wage. 3.35 an hour I believe it was.

My Mom worked in a pizza place, waitressing, around Dad’s schedule, again making waitress minimum. They did everything they could to keep us together and healthy, yet this bitch of a teacher treated me horribly for being poor. The other girl, T, was being raised by her Grandmother, and of course she had very little money. I don’t know how she feels, but it still affects me to this day.

It affects me to the point that I want to spend money we don’t have, to show that we are not poor, solely because I don’t want to feel like that little girl again. I fight myself to not shop for things we don’t need, as I know I am only shopping to make myself feel better.

I’m almost 37 years old and this still bothers me. This teacher is still around, I ran into her not too long ago, but did not speak. Luckily, she doesn’t teach anymore, so she cannot torment other poor children. It eats me up that it still gets to me, but knowing that it does makes me try even harder to be a better person. I never down someone for being poor. If someone asks me for a dollar, I try to give it to them, as I would rather be fooled a dozen times over, than let one person go hungry.

When approached by a young woman (and I most be approachable looking) I have given gas money to someone who asked. I have done these things because of that teacher, to spite her, actually, so maybe the torment and pain that she gave to fourth grade me was all worth it.

A catching up 2012

Wow, it has been forever. Life has gotten so busy over the past six months between home, family, and other writing. Oh, yes, other writing. I am covering the local politics and government for the weekly paper here. While, this is not my forte, it is getting better, and most weeks my articles end up on the front page.

Seriously, I have many weeks of front page articles, and even if it is solely because of the stories it still feels good. Over the past ten years most of my writing has had to do with body modification and body art. That is enjoyable to me, but isn’t the best for future resume purposes. However, this much more conservative writing looks good on a resume.

For the first couple months that I did this, I kept my hair brown, then my friend, Tracey, got married, again (third times the charm, right chick?) and she demanded that I have my hair pink, again. I dyed my hair on their wedding day. At first it was red, bright red, but not the pink like I normally wear.

Suzy red hair New Year's Eve I dealt with the red hair, then I redyed it, mainly to cover some scary roots, and the second time, same dye, it turned pink again. Much better, and it suits me more than the red. Luckily, none of the local government officials, school officials, or my boss seem to mind the hair. I really do not look like myself with the brown and grey hair. Especially as there is way more grey than I care to have under there.

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Tony and I have been living in this house for almost 15 months and we are still not completely settled in. I know, we should be, but we bought a freezer in the beginning of December, and had to start to redo that room. We’re working on it. The fact that doing too much is so hard on me physically slows things down, as well. In fact, I don’t know how much I have written about this prior, but, as you all know I had some physical limitations for years, prior to the cancer. After the diagnosis, things only got worse.

Now, I have a right leg that is literally five times the size of the left due to severe lyphedema. This not only slows me down, but causes so much pain that there are many days I literally cannot do many things. It hurts right now as a matter of fact, and I really should be pumping it in my machine. I will, but, I want to write this first. The lymphedema is caused by damage to the lymph nodes on the right side of my body during my nephrectomy and due to infections I had during that time period.

Back to the house stuff, the living room needs to be rearranged, in fact I need to get rid of one set of bookshelves, but it is hard to make that decision as two are filled with books, and one is filled with my candle collection. Yes, my collection has grown since then, although I have not bought a single Yankee Candle since the start of December due to Yankee’s candle changes (that is an entry for another day.)

What do you do with things though, if you don’t know where to put them? I mean, I know we need to get rid of a lot of stuff. We both have issues with holding onto too much junk, but so much of that comes from growing up poor. You keep things, you do, as you don’t know when you might need something. Hell, I have clothes that are falling apart, that I keep, because clothes are expensive and I might not be able to buy anymore, anytime soon.

Seriously, I know it is a problem, plus I come from a line of shopping addicts, and I am fighting to stop that myself. We are broke, but I can still shop at a dollar store!

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Let’s see. I don’t know if I ever discussed my new nieces! I know I haven’t the one, but I have two of them. Jylian was born last August to my sister, Katie and her fiance. My brother, Richie, and his fiance just had Hailey on February 11th.
JylianJylian Doan
Hailey Hailey Marie

My sister, Mary got remarried in October to a fabulous man, whom we all love and is so much better than her first husband. They had a “surprise” wedding reception following them having a ceremony with only their parents and children.

Honestly, that marks the important things I have missed posting. More to come. I promise, as I am not only giving up something for Lent (potato chips) but, taking up a good thing by writing every day until Easter!