Monthly Archives: August 2012

The Bra

Inspired by this thread on MeFi.

Bras are outside the house wear only, nuala. Those strange people who wear a bra to sleep scare me. They cannot be human. It is impossible.

The worst though is when I get home from somewhere, and collapse on my porch furniture, and do the magic bra off trick, without my shirt coming off, thing that all women know, and forget the bra on the porch. I am not a small woman. My breasts are enormous. My bras are things of wonder and amazing feats of engineering.

I got home one night and tossed my bra in its normal spot amidst my jungle of plants. Off I went inside to make dinner, wash dishes, all that fun adult stuff. Later that evening, I watered my plants, moved stuff around. Next morning, I picked some herbs and peppers, and noticed nothing awry.

Oh no, I realized something was wrong when I Fed Ex guy knocked on the door, for a signature (yay wine.woot) and he was giggling. I swung open the door, greeted him, and looked beyond his shoulder, to my one plant table, and the BRIGHT PINK GIANT BRA sitting there, like a mountain for my gnomes to climb.

I turned the color of the bra, finished signing, had him slid the box into the house (as is normal, my Fed Ex guy is awesome) and tried to act as if nothing was wrong. He was still being so professional, getting ready to turn and walk away, I looked up at him, and we both started laughing so hard I thought one of us would pee ourselves. I used my cane to hook the bra by the strap, pulled it in, and thanked him for not taking a picture of it for his coworkers.

We have not spoken of this again. As far as I know there is no picture of the giant bra amongst the plants floating around the internet. I am still a bras are for outside the house only person, but now? I throw that sucker at the door, so it will be in my way and make it into the house!