Cheating today, because well, have a meeting tonight.
I’m the tallest one (ha, that lasted until I was 12.) I was eight, Mary was five, Katie was three. We belonged to the Westmoreland Legionnares Majorette and Drum Corps.
I watched “A Charlie Brown Christmas” tonight. Most years I watch it, in fact there are very few years I have missed it, if any.
When, I was younger it was a reaffirmation of my faith at the end. When Linus tells the Christmas story, it cheered me.
Now, at 38 and without the faith I grew up with, it is just a cartoon. Christmas is a family day, but the faith is gone.
At times I miss having a connection like that. The lack of faith is hard when you believed so deeply for so long.
I could go into a long discussion on what lead me to this, but, really it is easier to just list a few things: cancer, children dying of cancer, a friend’s suicide at 34, the pain and suffering around me, the hatred that has developed in my country in the past few years.
How can there be something more out there, some all-knowing being, when there is so much pain and hatred in the world?
I know though you can’t force the faith to come back, no matter how much you wish it would.
Sidenote: If anything would bring me back, it might be the new Pope. He is doing some pretty great things with the Catholic Church. Yes, I was raised Catholic. That’s another story for another day.
For the first time in probably 25 years, I seem to have developed some holiday spirit. Bah humbug has not crossed my lips once, I haven’t turned off the TV in a fit of anger at all the cheer.
In fact, I have already watched multiple Christmas movies-not just the good ones either. Why, yes, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” has graced my television, so have a myriad of Hallmark and Lifetime channel schlock.
This seems to be of some concern to the husband, as normally once Halloween is over, I am done with the holiday season. You see, I am a Halloween person. I love the jack-o-lanterns, costumes, decorations, the kids running wild on a sugar high.
That is my time and not just because I can get away with my skull jewelry with no odd lucks for a month or so.
For some reason, this year though, I am enjoying the movies, the music, the lights all the more. I wanted to put our tree up over the weekend, but I am running behind on it. The decorations are ready though, before the weekend will be up.
I haven’t even started my shopping, where normally I am done on Black Friday, but I am still smiling at people.
For the love of all that is holy I even took a picture of my face in my wreath. It is an extremely gaudy garland wreath, but still, this isn’t me.
My Christmas candles are out and lit, right now Spiced Orange is filling the house and we are having a Christmas party with friends.
Any second now I expect Tony to start checking for the pod, or to see if my skin is loose ala Edgar in “Men in Black.”
Hell, I’m starting to wonder if I was abducted by aliens (or elves, those creepy shelf dwelling bastards could do it,) myself. Right now there is even a Christmas movie on. I mean it is “Bad Santa” but that is a holiday movie. Next thing you know, I’ll be singing carols and falalalalaing all over the place.
Or, you know waking up, as this has to be a dream.