There is a file on my desktop named “Susan’s Funeral.” It stands alone away from my other files as if I don’t want to infect my other files with it.
It is short, only a page long, with instructions on what I want done if the worst should happen following this surgery.
I have discussed my wishes with Tony before but I do not want to leave him to remember those things while dealing with the loss.
On top of that, I have been trying to write him a letter, a note, a tome, even a paragraph of how much he means to me. I want him to have that should the other file be needed.
I want him to know how much I love him, and have loved him, over the past 25 years of our lives.
Even when we were in a bad patch, and all marriages have them, my love for him has always been there.
I cannot get the words to the page though. The blank OpenOffice file taunts me as I open it again and again to try.
How do you even address someone in a letter like that? I cannot find the words to even start.
I don’t know, but before my doctor opens me up to try and put my insides back together, I will have to figure it out.