I have been asked if I have a problem with Tamerlan Tsarnaev being buried just a few miles from here.

First, no, I don’t. He’s dead, he can harm no longer. Second, someone had to be human enough to give his body somewhere to go. It is buried, now it will turn back to dirt, just as we all do when we die.

Honestly, I am more worried about my husband having to drive through Caroline County to get home tonight, with so many up in arms about this. And, I worry for the families living near the cemetery and those who have family buried there.

Someone is very likely going to end up desecrating graves of others in their anger.

So, if you are angry about this, do something positive. Donate to the people affected by the bombing. There are people who have massive need of money to cover their medical bills. Or the bills to cover the funeral of the three who died.

If you are a religious person, pray for those people, and their families. Pray for the family of the two bombers as well. They are hurting, too, can you imagine being confronted with your two sons doing something so horrible? Work with your church, temple, synagogue, etc, to do something for the bombing victims.

Use this to do good. Getting angry does nothing. He is buried, it is done. It is always better to do good and right in the world. It is always better to try to be a good person. Make this helpful to someone around you.

Tonight, while reading some of my fellow cancer survivor blogs, a realization hit me. Over the past 4.5 years my focus has been on getting to the end of my cancer story. However, it bludgeoned me tonight that as long as there is breath in my body, my cancer story will continue.

I know, I know, you all got that. However, my brain has been focused on getting past the cancer, the side effects, the issues, the scans. Those aren’t going away though. Unless they magically develop a way to cure lymphedema, a single kidney, the lung lesions and everything else.

This is not easy to take. Am I forever going to be Suzy, the kidney cancer patient? Now, I consider myself the survivor, but my doctors still consider me the patient. That is why I think I have been putting off my most recent scan, but it is past time. I have to buck up, call my doctor and get my scans done.

It is time for me to move on to the next part of my cancer story. The one where I deal with all the bad things, take care of myself and work on the rest.

Have a great Friday.
Suzy Smith

March is Kidney Cancer Awareness Month. While there are no screening tests for Kidney Cancer, there are things you can do to lower your risk:

Quit Smoking- now. Smoking is a factor in many cancers, kidney cancer is one of them.
Limit use of NSAIDs-Overuse of NSAIDS not only can cause stomach or intestinal bleeding, but also is a risk in kidney cancer.
Eat your Vegetables- Eating more vegetables lowers your risk of most cancers, kidney cancer is one of them.
Keep your blood pressure under control- High Blood Pressure puts you at risk for it. If you have HBP take your meds, follow your doctors’ instructions.
Exercise-It’s good for everything!
Other things, you can do nothing about are gender, many more men than women get KC, and age. The older you are the higher the risk.

Symptoms of Kidney Cancer-
Blood in the Urine
Flank pain
Pain in the lower back
Loss of Appetite
Frequent Fevers, of no known cause
Anemia
High Blood Pressure

While most kidney cancers are found in later stages, some are found early during a scan, or exam for something else (How mine and many others are found every year.)

I didn’t last long watching the Oscars tonight. Seth MacFarlene singing “We Saw Your Boobs” ruined it for me out of the gate. Really, this is what the biggest award in Hollywood has come to? Look, we know that Hollywood, and the world, is misogynist, but really?

Since my mind was already soured to them, plus I’m dealing with something odd nerve wise that is causing one hip to hurt, and the other leg to go numb, whenever my body is upright, that was it. Flopping my body on the couch, and within a few minutes there was snoring flying out of my mouth.

Here and there I would wake up a bit, notice that something else annoying was going on and that was enough for me. I have them recorded (man, do I love my DVR) so tomorrow, I will watch them, fast forwarding to whenever the face of the host is on the screen. If he hosts again next year? I’ll just boycott.

It isn’t like my favorite part isn’t splashed all over. The fashion is really the reason that the Oscars, or anything similar, goes on my television. While, I dress oddly, and more to hide my bad leg, I’m fat and poor. There isn’t much out there really fashionable for someone who is fat.

But, I live vicariously through the women on the screen. The glitter and sequins, the height, the ability to walk in heels. It is ridiculous that back in middle school and early high school all I wore was heels, now, not even if I am in my chair the whole time I am somewhere. My feet can only handle Birkenstock sandals.

Speaking of fat and fashion, how I wish that someone who can design for larger bodies would dress Melissa McCarthy. She is an amazing actress, has a beautiful fat body, but she always wears dresses that do not suit her. I wish I could design something for her, that would look proportionate and not something that is trying to hide her body.

She has a big body, there is no hiding it. Damn it, why can’t her body be as celebrated as the thing women all over the screen?

One less thought on the Oscars, then I am done. My favorite part of tonight is seeing Robin Roberts. For some reason, seeing any fellow cancer survivor get well and back to their lives seems to help me. It makes me smile to see her fighting her second round of cancer (breast, then MDS) and still be standing tall, strong and amazingly beautiful.

Robin, I know you’ll never see this, but you are my hero. Even as I continue to deal with all the side effects of it, you give me strength.

Have a good week, lovely readers of MutteringFooldotcom. The next time I’m gone this long, holler at me.

Our first snowfall of the year happened over night last night. 3-4 inches yesterday of really fluffy light snow covering every thing. There is more expected later today. I hate this crap. Really, I am one of those people who absolutely despises snow.

I wasn’t always this way, and in fact, snow is still beautiful to look at, from afar and if I can escape from the reason of why snowfall makes me so sad. Of course, there is no escaping Michael’s death.

That day was snowy, more so than today, closer to six or seven inches if I remember correctly. We texted back and forth all day. He was sad, but he had been depressed on and off his whole life. I was afraid to risk going out in it. Michael asked me to come over, and I didn’t.

Every time it snows for the rest of my life I will think of that day. Of how I didn’t go to my friend. Of how he felt so lost that he took his own life.

When it snows, I’ll always remember the horror settling on me, after his last message, knowing in my heart what he was about to do, and having no way to stop him. The way the message from Jenn telling me he was gone ripped a hole through me.

So, yeah, I hate snow, or more accurately I hate how it makes me feel, the memories it forces back. The weight of the loss of my friend.

Maybe someday, years from now, I’ll see snow for the beauty of it, and not feel the pain that lurks with every flake. Until that day, I’ll just go with hating it as if Michael’s death is the snow’s fault. It is easier that way.