Day Four

Try number three. Two entries have disappeared tonight as they aren’t what I want to say.

So, number three went straight to the diet thing. Hmm, let’s try something. The top of the page will focus on other stuff. I’ll delineate when I get to the weight loss stuff.

Deal?

Today was good. It was a busy day, but most are this time of year. I did realize I really need to get on Christmas shopping, as we’re three weeks away and I have done squat.

Seriously, I have like two things for Tony. That’s it.

I mean a lot of it just comes down to money. You need it to actually buy Christmas gifts and we just don’t have much. Both working our asses off with little to show for it.

Oh, I lied, I do have my bestie’s present bought.

Yeah, I need to get on the ball.

I also need to get my tree up, my lights outside in place, and my house back from the edge. It looks like a tip and I’m just too busy to deal with it.

It’ll happen soon. I need the lights on the tree to make me happy. They are the only thing that get me through the darkness that is this time of year.

Soon.

Soon.

For now it is late, I have other things I need to do. Good night, dear readers. <3

 

Weight loss talk lives below.

I’m dwelling on politics because that’s who I am. My brain is fixated on this weight loss journey, thing, diet, lifestyle change, whatever you want to call it.

It’s tough. You have to eat or you die. So, I obsess.

Calorie counts, food weights, what can I eat that fits today’s goals.  It gets quite ridiculous and I am settling in to eating the same foods over and over.

I know the calorie counts for them. One cup of chopped broccoli is 31 calories. One slice of that lunch meat is 10 calories. A clementine averages 37.

Romaine is five calories a cup. That salad dressing is 15 calories, this one is 120.

See, it becomes an obsession and a compulsion. This happens with anything my mind focuses on for too long.

This is a good obsession, I know what I’m going to eat, I save calories if I want to eat something in particular (like food at last night’s gospel sing. I saved calories because Church Ladies make the best damn food.)

I’m exercising. Chair aerobics and dancing. Light weight lifting. Stretching. Things I can do without making the lymphedema angry.  60 minutes today.

I’m using My Fitness Pal to track everything. It’s okay, although it way overestimates the number of calories burned from exercise. It makes me thing before I put food in my mouth.

First it has to be logged before I take a bite. No logging, no food.

It makes me pause and think before I grab that piece of bread or buy those potato chips.

Last night, my body beat out my mind at the grocery store. No chips at all. I haven’t had a potato chip in quite some time. In fact, I’m thinking it was October the last time I had even one.

For a carb junkie who things potato chips are their own food group, this is huge progress. I mean I love chips so much that even though I am not religious I give them up for Lent every year.

Maybe, I won’t need to come Ash Wednesday this coming year.

I know this line of writing is boring for most people. No one wants to read about someone else’s weight struggles, but this is where I am. I am fighting to feel better. I am fighting to be better.

It will get better. It will get easier. Eventually there will be a different focus in my brain, for now, I am what I eat, or didn’t eat. I’m going to keep at it.

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