For the record, I like tacky Christmas decorations.  

I love multicolored lights running around the roof, outlining every window, dancing across doorways.  White lights leave me cold, they remind me of a grocery store's grand opening.  I want reds and greens, blues and purples.  And I want them big.  Nothing makes me smile more than the old great big bulbs that have about 4 bulbs to an 8 foot string.

None of those tasteful single color blue lights for me.  Single color lights discriminate against all the other lovely colors that could be reflected off the siding of the house, the grass, or the snow if you live somewhere that actually has snow.  They ruin the line of houses with the one string of lights that blink out of sync with the rest.  There should be enough lights to be seen from the moon.  Draped over everything in sight, anything that stands still for more than a second gets covered.  Lights that drain enough energy to send your December electric bill into the outerstratosphere.  Lights you need sunglasses to view.

I want blow up Santas, reindeers, and hell, even blow up Homer Simpson dressed as Santa.  Fake 8 foot tall fabric Christmas trees that are kept erect by a blower fan.  Unashamed of their pink flamingo like qualities, they stand as the center of attention admist the rest.

Plastic light up nativity scenes, where the Baby Jesus is nestled in a cradle of tacky yellow glowing straw.  Mary and Jesus kneeling in reverance, two wise men offering gifts, since the third one was lost in a move. Or the third one is replaced by an elf or a toy soldier, another plastic molded offering, with chipped paint and a light cord that probably should not be used outside.

A row of 3 foot tall red and white candy canes dancing down the edges of the driveway not quite in line, scattered left and right, as if the person putting them up was a little bit tipsy, dancing to the Christmas Carols in their head.  

I love yards overflowing with painted plywood cutouts showing off the owners talents or lack thereof.  I love them all.  It shows me people who don't care what you think.  People who have a true love for the holidays.  Charlie Brown holding his pitiful little tree.  The Grinch holding court over the snowmen and deer and the little gnomes that spend the year in the yard.

People who are willing to go to the other side of tacky and back, smiling all the way.  Houses that smile through the cold and dreariness that is December.  Yards that defy the Martha Stewart rules of Christmas decorating.  There are no tasteful single wreaths and single candles in each window.

Houses that hold real people, people who sometimes wear white shoes after Labor Day.  People who might not own Crane stationary engraved with their initial.  People like me, who think that that some standards are outdated and boring, and don't really apply to people who belong to the Lodge, who are working class, we don't have time to worry about what is proper according to Emily Post.

People who love each other, fiercely. Who would protect one another to the ends of the earth.  People who get their hands dirty for a living, who don't push paper around.  People who drink beer, and none of that microbrew crap.  People who don't mind if you order a glass of white zinfandel with your steak. People have enough of a sense of humor to giggle as they flip the switch on their blow up Snowman.

Real people, damnit. What are your favorite Christmas decorations? Tell me in the comments, below.
Suzy Smith