Best Kid Story Ever

My morning, and what I just posted to chat:

Suzika: OMG, I have the funniest kid story ever.

Suzika: T just woke me up about 40 minutes ago: Aunt Pooh, I had gum in my underwear and now its stuck.

Suzika: So, I asked him: “Where is it stuck?”
Suzika: “On my penis”
Suzika: fuck. right? How the hell do I deal with this one?
Suzika: So, I had him pull his undies down and I realize it is just his penis but, between the little foreskin he has and the head of it. And the foreskin is sealed tight.

Suzika: Now, I am fighting back laughing and I ask him why he did this? “I don’t know but, I put cold water on it.’

Suzika: Yeah, so he had had not only gum stuck but, now, he had cold, hard gum stuck.

Suzika: And, this kid, well, Tre has more penis than a 5 year old should.
Suzika: So, I got a washcloth got it wet w/ as warm of water as I could and wrapped it around his penis
Suzika: Then, I had to use another wet washclothes to SCRUB the gum off of him, while I pulled the foreskin back.
Suzika: I got most of the gum off that way, but, there was still some stuck. I know that lotion, oil, that kind of thing will remove gum from hair.
Suzika: So I gave him some lotion to rub on it. We got the gum off but now I will have nightmares that I introduced him to lotion on his penis
Suzika: Now, he is lying on the bed telling me “You are the best Aunt in the whole wide world”

You’re damn right I am. Who else would fix this?

(PS. If you know this kid in real life, do not give him grief about it, he is embarrassed over it, thanks.)

5 thoughts on “Best Kid Story Ever

  1. Kids do such crazy things. I worked with a lady one time whose 5 year old daughter had to go the ER because she lost a crayon in her hooha. Imagine explaining that one to the triage nurse. I think the worst I ever did was swallow some pennies and try to stick my mom’s keys into the electrical outlet.

  2. That's on a par with the little girl I knew who shoved a whole orange section up her nose & had to go to the ER to have it removed.

    At least no ER was involved…that would probably only worsen the trauma.

    You do have to wonder what drives kids to do crap like this?

  3. Thank god that I could fix it. If he had to go to the ER, he would end up with some real bad issues.

    I still have no clue why he did it. He wasn’t sure. Kids are weird.

  4. holy shit tre…. goodness. make sure you remember this one to tell his future wife.

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